Deja Vu

Everdearest Amelia,

I've gotten my first period, and I'm finding myself feeling pretty awful.

​Physically, I've experienced more "symptoms" than I did during my last two pregnancies.  Cramps, headaches, constipation, increased appetite - the works.  And then I'm bleeding pretty heavily, which has drained me of all the energy.  It almost feels like I'm re-living the miscarriage.  Pretty awful.

Emotionally, it's starting to break me.  I was sitting in the dark with Xavi today, looking at his star lights, when I suddenly burst into tears..  He just came closer to me, his hand on my knee.  He asked me why I was crying, and I told him that it must be because I miss his baby sisters.  We talk about you often, and he seems to understand.

I wish I could be stronger right now, but I'm not   I'll let it pass and wait for a new day, tomorrow.

Until then,
Your mama.