All the love

Everdearest Aurora and Amelia,

Your Tita Meese once told me that grief is love without an outlet.  I had all this love for you, that we never really got to experience in a physical way.  It makes so much sense, and explains a lot of what I've been feeling lately.  I've cried many happy tears in the past few weeks, overwhelmed by love and acts of kindness.  I've also reconnected with a lot of people - in my heart and in real life.  I'm in search of an outlet, for all the love.

We just got back from Montreal, and it was a visit that fed my soul.  All that leftoever love found new places to be, and I felt the kind of happiness that makes you look back and realize that maybe you haven't been totally ok..  I come back to equally supportive and important relationships, and am feeling a little more complete.  Locally and long distance, I am surrounded by the best kind of love, and they welcome my heart with open arms. 

This doesn't mean I love you any less.  I think about you both, every single day.  Xavi and I speak about you often.  We've been reading a book called "Just You and Me", about two polar bear friends.  There's a page towards the end, that shows the northern lights.  Xavi sometimes pauses, asking if it's Aurora, and if that's where Amelia is, too.  You're no longer with us, but you'll always be with us.  If losing you means gaining deeper and more loving relationships, I will do everything to honour that.  
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With happiness in my healing heart,,
Mama.